Healing is NOT linear!
Linear
/ˈlinēər/
progressing from one stage to another in a single series of steps; sequential
If life were a book I’d guess this chapter of mine would be entitled: Backtracking.
This would be the part where all the unaddressed hurt andgrief, old feelings, and buried emotions revisit me. It’d be the chapter whereI was taken by surprise because things I’d charged to the game, said it is whatit is, and thought I’d moved on from came to haunt me. This would be some sort of symbol of the little girl in me crying for help but being lost in a wilderness season; confused.
Some things I was so sure I’d done the work not to be broken over really snuck up on me. Some may say seasonal depression, and that may very well be the case too. However, nothing feels right in my world right now but somehow everything seems still. No chaos. Only quite a bit of confusion. It’s so difficult to explain.
“God, I get it. I’ma mess and I admit it. I keep learning the same lessons while I’m missing outon blessings, God I get it.” -K. Michelle
As bad as I wished I could say my healing has been a linear path. This journey has been nothing straight and narrow. It has been more of a roller-coaster than anything. A couple U-turns here and there. In this season, I’ve had extremely good days, mixed with days I’ve felt so low, some 10-minute crying sessions out of nowhere, ugly crying venting sessions; only to be masked again to go back to regularly scheduled programming called life. It’s been doubting my ability to move on; to move forward. It’s been questioning my capability to be successful in this next chapter of life and serious doubt about big life decisions. It’s been wondering how I ever thought I was over some things.
Healing isn’t linear though. I’m trying to keep that in mind when I take two steps forward and feel knocked back four. I try to print it on my heart when I’m upset that I keep backtracking and I’ve found myself crying in my room for the 3rd night straight.
Maybe some of you are here right now: I decided to write while in it this time; so the best advice I can give is to enjoy those highs and ride those lows out. & Remember healing isn’t linear.