“Your Wings were Ready, My Heart Was Not...”
“And I know you’re smiling down on me from Heaven. Like so many friends we lost along the way. And I know eventually we’ll be together. One Sweet Day.”-Boyz II Men & Mariah Carey
Losing my Grandma really taught me one of life’s hardest lessons. I know people always say, “give people their flowers while they can still smell them.” But it didn’t resonate until I was stuck in class receiving text messages checking on me because someone heard my grandmother had passed away; and honestly, being stuck in awe because I could do absolutely nothing. Although, you know death is inevitable, you tend to think your family will be with you forever.
Grandma Dot, Losing you taught me to slow down and live in the moment; to enjoy people while I have them and to never let them go without knowing I love them. I have spent the first half of this year beating myself up and feeling like an awful granddaughter because I wish I would have stopped being so stuck in my own life and spent a little more time appreciating you. I remember one of the last times I visited you, your face lit up: and you hit me with the “you ain’t been here in so long, I thought you divorced me. But I love you anyway.” Well Grandma, I love you too anyway. And even though I got grown and stopped coming around I hope you know I never divorced you. If I knew then what I know now, I would have stopped being so stuck in all the unimportant aspects of my own life and cherished those visits, and visited a lot more.Thank you for showing me the epitome of what a beautiful, Godly woman should look like. If I knew then, what I know now: I would have never been annoyed attending Bible Study and Sunday School with you. Thank you for believing in me and never ceasing to let me know you were proud. I hope me getting this degree made you even prouder.If I knew then, what I know now: I would have cherished all the moments I watched court shows all day with you; even though you always fell asleep on me halfway through. I am sure Judge Joe Brown, Mathis, Judy, and everybody else are missing your views. I hold on to memories of spending weekends running through your house with all my cousins; eating up all the peaches and cream oatmeal and drinking coffee (let everybody else tell it, that’s why I’m short now.) I will never forget dodging all your lighthouse figurines, and I’m pretty sure Tarun broke a couple, lol. Thank you for making sure your bougie granddaughters didn’t ALWAYS have to eat Perry High School lunch. And I just don’t know where I’ll get all my bad shoes now, you know I stayed in your closet. I find comfort in knowing that although I wasn’t the perfect granddaughter your love for me extended far beyond what I feel, or anything I could have ever done. I love you. And I know you’re having a lit Heavenly Birthday. Happy Birthday Beautiful. I’ll love you forevermore.
-Shymena
You guys, I know I’ve written a post like this before but this one is a bit different. Cherish your family members. I urge you all to spend that time with your loved ones, take all the pictures you can, hug them a little tighter, call and check in every time they slightly cross your mind. Just make every moment count because in the blink of an eye you could be left with just those memories.