Be at Peace, Not in Pieces
Have you ever taken a step back to evaluate why you feel so bad all the time? Why can’t you get that negative energy to leave your spirit? Bitterness and anger have taken over. You ponder how you could have made things different, and it is taking a toll on your current life. Sometimes, we hold onto things we should have forgiven people for a long time ago.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” - Colossians 3:13
I spent years hating someone for making me feel abandoned and neglected. And it was draining. It was taxing to me emotionally. Spiritually. Physically. But mostly emotionally. Because of how hurt I was I couldn’t move forward with life happily. I’d much rather wallow in my misery. And probably dragged some “friends” down with me. But I couldn’t just let it go. See at the time, no one had explained to me that forgiveness was for me. And had they, I would have probably thought they were stupid.
I was having an internal conflict, and my mind and feelings were winning. “Because how in the hell do I need to forgive someone who hurt me, for me? Why do they get a free pass to go on living like nothing ever happened; and hurting others in the process? Why do they live in peace while I drown in pain? They don’t deserve my forgiveness. While I’m left to put together pieces of myself and to wonder what I did to deserve such mistreatment you want me to forgive.”
Well, I didn’t deserve to be abandoned, neglected. This is true. But I did need to move on with my life. I did need to understand that maybe the hurt I felt was not inflicted upon me intentionally. I needed to know that “hurt people, hurt people.”
Also, don't ever put yourself on a pedestal so high you think you can't hurt people either. Some of us are the "Need to be Forgiven" list as well. Whether you did it intentionally or not, understand just as you are imperfect, so are others.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” -Ephesians 4:31-32
Harboring these ill feelings was costly for me. Being unforgiving indeed limited me in my daily interactions with other people. My level of trust took a huge hit. I wasn’t letting anyone in to leave me shattered again. My self-worth was buried beneath the things I’d told myself about what I did to deserve to it.
But something happened: I decided I didn’t want to hurt anymore; well not from this same situation, being hurt is inevitable. But I could choose to live. I could decide not to cry myself to sleep every night anymore. I opted to forgive.
Even later at a Pinky Promise meeting: our Bible study was on the topic of Forgiveness. And as my sisters and I discussed someone said something along the lines of "Forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice. You can't act solely based off how you feel. It literally takes telling yourself as many times as you need to that you'll forgive for you." That stuck with me.
There are no step by step instructions on how to forgive. Forgiving is not only a healing but learning process. You must do so in a way that works for you. I can’t even recall doing anything spectacular, other than praying for strength to not hate that person anymore. I stopped wishing ill-will on them. Instead of hating, I chose to love. Kindness began to rule over rude. Not because they weren’t wrong but because I was no longer allowing my feelings to lead me. I wasted time being mad. And where did that get me? Nowhere, but stuck in an eerie place. Forgiving was probably the best decision ever because I could truly live and not just exist. It was freeing, liberating if you will.
I'd say the true mark of forgiveness is being calm within, and when your spirit is no longer troubled by the hurt someone caused in your life. You can love freely as God loves. That's truly a beautiful experience.
Be freed,
Latressa