Grieving During the Holidays
Holiday cheer can bring much sadness along with it for many people. It is a constant reminder of all your great losses. We must be real with ourselves about the grief we experience. Acknowledge it and learn to cope healthily.
When I set out to write this piece, I was not expecting to be writing with fresh grief. This was supposed to be about the four pivotal women I have lost over the last 10 years and how I take care of myself to get through the losses. I never expected that on August 31, 2023, I would lose my Granny. & I now must experience my first holiday season without her. I was asked to write a poem for her obituary. It broke me down just to see her photo in an obituary. Somehow, I mustered the strength to write. Before leaving home, I went back out to the cemetery just to see one last time. I guess, to make it more real. To see that freshly turned soil, knowing my Granny was lying right there, changed me. Ain’t never felt nothing like it.
I thank God for the time I was blessed to spend with each one of these influential women in my life. But, dang, why does he have to make borrowed time so much more surreal for me? Let me catch a break. Ya’ll seen the post talking about “God, take me off the list for the strongest soldiers. I don’t want no more battles?” Felt that!
There are 5 stages of grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Lately, I have been teetering between anger and depression.
For the last three months, I have wanted to just crawl into bed and not move. I have not wanted to talk to or be around anybody. I’m very short-tempered and snappy with everyone. It feels like something heavy is sitting on my chest most days. I feel so anxious.
Here is how I plan to get through the holidays this time around & some practical tips for you too:
1. I started therapy again. Baby, I met with this therapist one time and UNLOADED. I needed a safe space, unbiased, to release. This is allowing me to not overwhelm my friends and those closest to me.
See a need, meet a need. I have been drowning in my sorrow. It has drastically affected my functioning. The best way to describe it, I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to do life. I lack motivation and I find myself uninterested in all the things that I typically love. These are some characteristic symptoms of major depressive disorder – I just happen to be undiagnosed.
Let’s be clear, if you are experiencing any suicidal ideation, please talk to someone you trust and seek help. You are loved, needed, and deserve to be here.
Lifeline: Call/Text: 988 or 1-800-273-8255
2. Spend as much time with community as possible. I’m doing concerts, girls’ days, family days, brunch, whatever to keep my spirits lifted.
3. Journaling. I picked up my journal again. There are some things I have trouble verbalizing but I can write them down much easier.
4. Focus on moving forward. On days I feel better and motivated, I try to give it my all. I’m back in school, focused on personal growth and professional development. It’s a difficult but rewarding journey—so I’ll be focused on staying the course.
5. Cry. I “be” hollering. & You should too! Sometimes a good cry is all you need. Let it out, sis.
I know this is a heavy post to start Blogmas with, but this is the reality for so many people. It can be overwhelming juggling holiday celebrations, Christmas shopping, everyone around you being joyful, and the demands of life that don’t stop because you’re sad when you really wanna just crawl into a hole and fast forward through it all. I wish you all the best for this holiday season! Grief is a never-ending battle and is not just limited to the loss of a person. You may be grieving many things during this time. I am praying that you all find ways to cope and not allow grief to consume you.
I hope you all stick around to see what else is in store for Wildflowers of Wisdom during the 12 days of Blogmas!
Happy Holidays,
Latressa
